Gutten morgen mein Dame, Dr Sluets will see you now... 

Dear Diary, 

So this is it. The half way point. It's been a blast, I reckon by now I'm more pint than man. I found a drawing of a massive John Thomas that had just shot his Baileys all over his balls. Speaking of which, Pete's starting to get weird. I woke up last night with his finger in me mouth. When I went to make a noise he just put his finger to his lips and shushed me before making a fist. I'm starting to think I might have to start sleeping in the Jacks with the door locked. I'm starting to get away with more on stage though and last night a nice lady smiled at me. It made me feel a fuzzy feeling and Little John almost popped out of his Robin Hood. I'll have to go now because we're setting off to Berlin tomorrow and I want to be up nice and early to go shopping for some new leather stretch pants. 

Nice to see you, to see you nice! 

Dr Johny